Climate Scientists Reveals Urgent News
30th September 2022 | Ioane Taom
Top scientists of our nation, working in conjunction with obscure British Universities, have recently revealed worrying information about the future of our nation and the region at large. Using the Pacific El Nino Island Submerging Effect Simulation, they have predicted rising sea levels and series of natural disasters occuring in the area.
Their predictions include a rise of sea levels of up to 2 metres, depending on the island, for a period of around 4 months, a situation they have termed the “girlboss tide.” This effect has arisen due to climate irregularities that still are unexplained by modern climatology models, but it is clear that this is caused by anthropogenic climate change.
“Just like the glass ceiling that is rising, sea levels will rise for a while, temperature will probably reach 105 degrees, and then go back down after a couple months when everyone has forgotten about it all” Said Reah Seh Cher, Chief Scientific girlboss of the climatology department at Anglia Ruskin university.
“Kiri-what-I?” Was the response by Xi Jinping, when asked by a journalist at a recent press conference. “China’s interests are not represented strongly in the Pacific, due to a lack of initiative by local provincial leaders. If they had given us a particular airstrip on a particular island, maybe we would be more willing to move our big and mighty chinese muscles to help draw a 9 dash line that encompasses their territory. Well, the window is still open”, said Xi Jinping but in Mandarin.
Furthermore, natural disasters such as flooding and even cyclones are predicted to devastate various regions of our nation in the coming future on an unprecedented scale, due to this effect.
Attached above are the predictions of the effects to the districts in Kiribati, where the Gilbert Islands and Banaba are expected to be affected the most severely due to the crisis. The Nation of Tuvalu is expected to completely disappear off the map, due to coastal erosion during the girlboss tide effect. Their government, being marred by gridlock and endless debate and no action, has lead to their population giving up.
“I am going to start a breastfeeding clinic”, said Tubaluan super idol Tu Valoo, in Tuvalu. “We have been breastfeeding since day 1 of humanity, it will help us get through this”. When asked where they got this information from, Tu Valu told us: “I listen to the parliamentary debates in Kiribati’s Manaeba Ni Maungatabu on Radio Kiribati. It helps me fall asleep”
Scientists have given a warning period of around 6 months before the first of these major disasters will strike our nations and have called for government action in the near future to prepare for the disasters.
As of right now, the climate model is being reviewed by the few scientists who know about this pressing issue. Is this going to be another forgotten crisis, or will those most severely affected by climate change pressure the world to do their part and help the Pacific Islands nations get through this?
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